I have always wanted to become a creator. I have been sure that beyond someday, I won’t be taking up a job, I would be the one who creates jobs. There is something- something deep which strives to find purpose, meaning in life. The more I question, the more confused I become. Maybe this, maybe that. However there is something which has always stopped me from finding my one thing, my purpose. There is something which shakes the connect I have with myself and that is my desire to be approved, my desire for social validation.
Until two days back, I dint know that this desire was very strong. I have always taken pride in the fact that I don’t crave for people’s approval, that every major decision in my life has been taken by me without being pressurized in any way. However, I realized that it’s the small, day-to day decisions which are affected by my thirst for glory, for validation.
I had started writing for somebody else. I started writing what others wanted to read. I started writing about things I was told to write about. .My writing had begun to become mechanical, the flow, the organic component went missing. I started writing not because I wanted to but because I had to.
I started justifying my decisions, after all, I was writing for one of the largest online blogs in India, it was bringing me glory, and it was adding value to my Facebook page, to my CV. I ignored my personal blog and started writing for glory. As I kept on writing more and more for others, I started to lose myself, my writing. I still justified it.
Until two days back, when the creator in me told me what I was doing. It brought me back, it told me I am here to find my purpose. It told me I had a dream, it told me that I have to transcend safety, I have to go beyond validation. It pushed me to rethink my decisions. It bought me back. I quit the writing work I had taken up for somebody else. For I am here to find my purpose, to find myself. I am not going to write for somebody else, I want to write about things that inspires ME, no matter how small or insignificant they are.